How to overcome inner obstacle: Vipassana 4 the choice to be free

I always felt that the spiritual work done the past five years gave me lot of positive effect in my life. I have more happiness, more peace of mind, joy, patience, more inner strength, better health and self-control. That was only the surface level of the mind.

During this vipassana course, I had the occasion to dive as deep as I could in my mind. And because of the improving in my life, I was excepting to find something good, maybe to find light or something divine.

But all I found is darkness, so much impurities and dirt in my mind.

For the first time in my spiritual path I felt like I failed somewhere. I tried to die from inside, I wanted to kill the I, the ego, but what happened instead, is that a tremendous amount of fear arise at the surface level of my mind. I felt like to stop it I had to detached myself from the I, but it was impossible. I didn’t know how to do it.

I realized at that moment that if I would have to die right now, at this second, how much I would be so attached to my family, my desires, to his impermanent body, and mostly to the I.

Now, since I left vipassana, the intense and urgent desire for spirituality became a burning desire. And I hope that this flame that has been enlighted will keep growing and burn everything inside me.

There is many ways to talk about the goal of spirituality. We can say we want to attain self-realization, enlightenment, or moksha (liberation), or maybe we want to see good.

But, I realize that a new thought pattern appear in my mind about the goal of spirituality. The toughts keep coming back in my mind is that I am living this life in the only aim to be ready to die in peace.

One who does the first step in the spiritual path is bound to be successful. Because there is no step back, no step on the side. There is no a quick step or slow step. It doesn’t matter because they all bring to the same ultimate and unique goal, but unfortunately this first step is most difficult to do.

We were born in suffering from the first breath, and the more we grow up, the more we accumulate things in our mind. So the more we wait the more it will be difficult to start the purification process.

Whatever difficulties, struggling or obastacles you are facing right now in your spiritual path. Make sure you are doing something to overcome it. Don’t let it grow and wait later, don’t thing it is going to be easier later.

Clean your mind, remove all impurities, kill all the negative qualities like proud, greed, laziness or fear. Kill them all like a spiritual serial killer. Like swami vishnudevananda said, for a yogi nothing is imposible.

 

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