Spiritual journey in India Chapter 3: Welcome to Dharma Peetha

Since I begin the spiritual quest, I often felt like I was too lucky. No matter what I want, be it a spiritual or material desire, I always get it in one way or another.

I remember when I was reading the book Autobiography of a Yogi, Yogananda said that when he was a child he fled from his home to the Himalayas to find his Guru. It made me dream about it, I would have liked to be as brave as he and go in the mountains of the Himalayas to find my spiritual guide. Even if I could imagine doing it, I knew that deep down it would never happen.

Eventually, I did not even have to search. It is said that when the disciple is ready, the guru appears. Was I ready, two years ago, the first time I met Sri Tathata? Am I still ready today, now that I meet him again? Maybe each of the single days of my life were days when I was ready to meet my guru.

When I went to see an astrologer in Chennai he told me that I was a person in spiritual quest and that I was asking deep questions such as why I was born. Indeed, this question keeps coming back to me. Why I came back to earth again, in an Indian woman’s body, why I was born in Paris at 00:55, why I was born in this Ismaili family. And even if I can find all sorts of logical answers, I have done this or that in my previous lives. I started something I did not finish, I made promises I did not keep, I have things to forgive, things to live again, things to learn, people to meet so they teach me and show me who I am through them, people to meet in order to inspire them the spiritual path.

In reality there is not even a spiritual progression, there is no beginning and no end, there is no birth and death, there is no this or that past life, there is no karma to burn or create.

Whatever  all the answers I can have, whatever all the experiences, the visions, the sounds that I can hear, that matter all devotional tears. All of this is only Maya. The relativity of experience is far from the Absolute Truth. So where all of this is leading me? Maybe I am more on the right karmic path and fulfill my mission as a human being. Yet, I feel that all this is far from what I really seek. I’m looking for who I am, I’m looking for the truth with a big T. And I have no idea what it is. Words, descriptions only reduce and limit it. I can no longer identify it through the filters of the mind.

Where is the Silence, Moksha, Samadhi, enlightenment, self-realization. Sometimes when I meditate and look deeply into myself, I see nothing but obscurity. I feel like a bottomless well of ignorance. Everything I believe in disappears, all the truths that define the perception of the world in which I live suddenly disappear, because everything is just illusion. However, I cannot find anything else to hang on. When, I realize all of this, I want to cry because I do not know who I am. Because I understand that I live every second of my life completely embedded in Maya.

Of course, when I think about my spiritual journey, I am much happier today than it was a year or two or five years ago. Every year is better than the previous one. Work has been accomplished, the body and mind are healthier, calmer and purer. The process of cleansing follows its course and inner purification brings me more and more inner peace, more control and awareness of my thoughts, my subconscious behaviors, less fear, more light and a feeling of happiness that appears sometimes for no reason.

Dr. Bali used to say that we are spiritual beings in a human journey. I do not know where this journey on earth will take me, this trip to India and this inner journey; but it seems to me that there is actually no place to go and no goal to achieve in this quest of God.

Moksha is in the heart of a man, which is free from hatred, lust, egoism, greed and desires.— Sri Swami Sivananda

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1 commentaire (+ vous participez?)

  1. Badouraly
    Nov 27, 2016 @ 07:10:54

    Very Nice – I love you

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